IM SOOOO NERVOUS!!!!!!
Apr 15, 2019
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbryMqPcy5o

[Music]
you guys welcome to Saturday it is a
ugly day today here ugly when I say ugly
it's ugly it is nasty rainy pretty
chilly as much as we need rain we don't
need rain because our rivers are like
peaking at the flood stage and actually
quite a few of our parks and stuff are
all flooded out they've got them closed
off right it's pretty bad
but I am on my way to Michael's I am
looking for a couple of things that I
need for my business so I'm gonna head
over to Michael's and I've got a busy
day of work ahead of me so I'm not gonna
be out for very long today I'm just
gonna run there and get that stuff done
and come back home because I've got
about six hours ahead of me of work but
I love it and I've got some new things
that I'm trying so yeah I'm really
excited I am debating you guys what
didn't you guys tell me what you think
but I am really debating on starting
another YouTube channel
I've got someone gonna cross the street
it's a kid money if you would go to the
crosswalk it would be better
I hate when kids go do you want to go
across her no you go go go make sure he
gets a crust
I just wish kids would use the
crosswalks I mean I know that it's a few
feet further but not supposed crosswalks
are there for and this is a busy street
because you've got traffic going this
way and coming and it's 45 speed so it's
not like cars are not travelling quickly
and they get going on speed anyways so
I'm really debating on starting another
YouTube channel and that would be for my
business purposes of you know doing my
crafts and things like that because you
know I enjoy talking about those things
those are my passions as well and I kind
of feel empty not being able to share
with you guys the things that I've been
doing and so it's kind of hard because
there's things that I want to talk about
and share techniques and share the fun
things that I've been up to and I I
don't feel free to do that on this
channel because I know that it's not
something that everybody wants to hear
about and I get it I completely
understand and I am respecting that
however I wonder if
I was to start a second channel if it
would you know I mean I I don't mind if
it only had one subscriber I don't care
but I'm just saying I wonder if it would
be successful to make a second channel
because there I could show like my
crafts and stuff but I also have to be
able to I also want to be able excuse me
to be able to balance both channels I
don't want to be focusing on one channel
forget my other channel or vice versa I
want to be able to sustain both channels
evenly and be able to share on both
channels but I you know what I'm doing
but keep my business stuff on the one
channel and not talk about like life
stuff and keep my life stuff on this
channel and not talk about my business
stuff so tell me in the comments below
what you guys would think if you think
that it would be something that you guys
would suggest or if there's a better
suggestion and I know some of you guys
are gonna be like just talk about it on
this channel I get that but you know I
do understand what a lot of people are
saying when they say this is your
journey and you know we want to hear
about your journey and I want to keep it
on that so I'm really thinking and I'm
really leaning towards getting in a
second channel but I'm just wondering
how to go about that so let me know in
the comments below what you guys are
what you guys think I should do and
I'll work it out I am on my way to
McDonald's I'm going to get a tea I need
to take my meds I haven't taken my meds
today yet which I'm Way behind on but
it's okay some days we roll out of town
a little bit late I'm just running a
little bit behind today because I had
some stuff that I was trying to get done
and I was spending some time with the
babies and cuddling with them and we
watched movie together
Jeremiah went and wanted to hang out
with a friend so we let him go and do
that and so then I was like all I have
to run to the store I don't want to
because I really want to stay home but I
need to run to the store I need to get a
couple things and he's like just go it's
okay just go so here we are I hope you
guys are how I'll have you know a great
day I
I mean it's 110 now I just had breakfast
a little bit ago and that's the other
thing too is I'm gonna start showing you
guys what I'm eating but I got to
remember a me record what you're eating
because I I'll start okay
just say we're here sorry guys
anyways I get going and I start eating
and I'm like oh no I was supposed to
record that so this morning what I had
was I had one egg scrambled with two
tablespoons of cheese and one cut-up
beef spicy sausage in it so we I
scrambled it in it and I had my tea and
that was what was for breakfast so it
was really tempting you guys very
tempting because we have cake in the
house because it was Jeremiah and Ali's
birthday yesterday so we went and got
cake clearly I did have cake last night
I know the minute I get out in the
middle of the street
it's gonna like turn red on me hey shoot
shoot I don't like doing that anyways so
I did have a piece of cake last night
and this morning when I woke up there
was some cake in the microwave
and I was just like I went to go open up
the microwave and I'm like oh there is
cake sitting there smiling right at me
and I didn't do it you guys I didn't do
it because today is the day that I had
committed to say I am NOT gonna be doing
that so eating anything with like major
like carbs in it so I was like oh and I
I wanted it but I didn't do it
I totally was strong and stuck to my
guns and said no so now I had a dollar
means getting a dollar out I never carry
cash on me never but I have had this
dollar hanging in my wallet for like
ever and there are teas at Walmart at
Walmart dog ki Tisa McDonald's are $1
for their large so and I am just getting
plain tea no sweetener because they do
it
can I do a large unsweet iced tea extra
ice and that's it
nope Thanks
anyways hey any carbs I'm cutting carbs
for now I want to shoot for 90 days no
carbs is it gonna be tough
you're darn right it is but I think that
it's gonna give me a great punch to get
off this plateau of me not losing and go
from there I have not been touching the
scale I have tucked my scale away for
right now due to my doctor telling me to
not be Wayne right this minute he wants
me to get my my mind back into game and
so that is what I'm doing I am listening
to my doctor and he knows best
and so I don't know what I weigh right
this minute but thank you
but it's okay you know I'm I'm not
worried about it
I mean Ollie have start recording so you
guys will get to see that so I'm excited
I'm excited to see where this all it's
gonna take me but I think a good 90 days
of clearing out my body of all of that
carbs and stuff like that I think is
gonna be very very very helpful so I am
definitely shooting for it so anyways I
brought my stick with me to hook you
guys up and take you along with me in
the store so when I get there I will
take you guys out let you guys go
shopping with me so let me get my tea
and that way I can get on the road and
get over to Michael's because I'm on a
time crunch today but anyways I so
appreciate you guys sticking around and
continuing to support me because I love
you all
anyways I'll check in with you guys as
soon as we get to Michael's all right
you guys I'm in the store I am just I'm
in the sticker section of course I love
this section I could be in here all day
[Music]
all day but I am trying to hurry I just
can't I just can't make my decision
anyways but it is packed in here so I am
gonna try and hurry and just like get
out of here so I'm not gonna vlog as
much as I thought I was gonna blog but I
will check in with you guys shortly okay
you guys so I just got back in from
Michaels I have no idea how long I was
in there for but we will say that
I was in there forever it feel like but
I was so excited you guys I found some
awesome things I'm so excited
so anyways and I got like my bill came
up to I was like 140 dollars or
something and literally after all my
coupons I ended up spending $60 out of
140 like that you can't beat that so I
left there feeling very good I set
myself a budget today because I needed
to get some like stuff for my store and
stuff like that so I know my store but
for the business so the things that I
found are like bomb.com people say that
stuff I do anyways oh so now I am
running behind it's all okay but I am
heading home now I I really do need to
get back to the house I got so much work
ahead of me and I like I should have set
a time limit for myself like a timer
that it went off when I was ready to
leave but it's alright anyways it felt
good to get out there and walk though it
really did I would I felt really good I
was gonna tell you guys so I as you guys
seen I stopped at McDonald's and got a
team I got unsweetened tea because
normally I do have cut tea meaning
that's half sweet half on sweet but for
some reason they're sweet even though
it's only half
still it's just way too sweet like you
guys gibbehhhh
I can't drink it so I got how our plane
just regular done sweetie and I buy
these well I'm not gonna for right now
I'm driving but um there are little
liquid water drops that you can add to
your water and so I had a cherry one and
I thought hmm
I'm gonna add that just a little bit not
a lot but just a little drop to my
unsweet tea and see what it tastes like
holy cow it literally tastes like I'm
drinking a Dutch brothers tea for a
fraction of the price I was like oh my
gosh so yeah I was quite excited that I
did that because now I know that if I
just drop a little bit into my tea it
literally tastes like I'm drinking a
like a raspberry and that's what it
tastes like
yeah it doesn't taste like cherry it
tastes like raspberry you can find
raspberry drops in there all zero
calories so if you're just wanting a
little bit of flavor you can so totally
do that because I can't even when I buy
tea from like the store I don't buy
sweet tea because the sweet is just too
sweet and I don't normally I typically
don't like drinking stuff that's sweet
unless once in a blue moon I'll get a
coffee but very very very rare I don't
normally do that just because I don't
really like sweet drinks so especially
if you're like trying to drink something
and eat at the same time oh no that
doesn't work
not for me anyways so
that was a really good thing I figured
out so I'm just and I leave them in my
purse because a lot of times I you know
if like I'm out and I am thirsty
sometimes I'll just stop at McDonald's
and get a 25-cent iced water and put a
couple squirts of my flavor in there and
there I got a flavor drink and and I
don't have to be you know first spending
money on drink drinks at like 7-eleven
or we have a sir okay and I know
everything I'm drinking is zero so that
again makes it more like makes me feel
more comfortable drinking because I know
that it's zero calorie there's nothing
in it but just water and flavor I mean
I'm sure there's stuff added to it to
make it have flavor but I mean if that's
how I'm gonna get my water in so be it
but anyway so I'm sure that with you
guys just
anywho well you guys I think I'm gonna
cut this vlog for today I'm not going to
post it up I'm just gonna put two vlogs
together because Monday I'm gonna be
down and out with having my procedure
being done so I will have this one to go
up on Monday so you guys will see it but
while you guys are watching this I by
now would have already had my procedure
so I don't know exactly how a Phil I
mean I've heard everything from it's
very very painful - well I have a high
tolerance of pain like I can handle a
lot so I mean hence when I had my babies
I had the regular medicine that they
give you through the surgery but when
they bring you out of surgery I don't
know some of you guys may not have a a
c-section but when you have a c-section
they give you a pump that's hooked to
your IV and it's I think it's morphine I
think I don't know for sure but anyways
it's a pump and like it's like every 15
minutes or something you can give
yourself a score of morphine you know
because you kind of control the pain
management but I never used it the whole
time when I after I had the babies I had
never touched it and they even said
you're not who you know what this is for
right and I'm like yeah
and they were like okay and then when
they took the IV out BR the pump out
because I was just like it's kind of
annoying because I'm not using it then
they switched to percocet and I didn't
even take the percocet I
I kept rejecting it and I literally was
taking Tylenol and they were like Amy
you just had a major surgery like you
should be on your meds and I'm like I
don't need them and so I literally had
two c-sections and out of both
c-sections
I never took pain meds on either one of
them and I was never in pain like thank
God because you know I've heard a lot of
horror stories about people that have
had c-sections and you know they're out
I mean like totally I can't do anything
for sometimes you know good six weeks to
12 weeks if not more
but that wasn't that wasn't the case
with me I mean I was up moving walking
doing it all 24 hours after I had the
babies I was up well with Omar I was up
because he was in the NICU and I wanted
to be down there with him
so they would take me down with a
wheelchair of course because they won't
know what they walk that far but within
the like 48 hours I was purely walking
down to the NICU and everything I was
just holding onto a little chair but I
didn't sit in it and with Ezra she was
with me so I cared for her the entire
time which she only went the only time
that she went to the the nursery was in
the middle of the night because I had
went so many hours without sleep and
they needed me to sleep and I kept
falling asleep with her in my arms and
they didn't want me to fall asleep and
sleep with her in my arms because easily
you know I could just fall asleep deeply
and should roll off of my arms
so they wouldn't let me hold her while
of course while sleeping so when they
seen that I started like dozing off with
her in my arms they went ahead and took
her from me and kept her in the nursery
for some time so that I could catch up
on my sleep but other than that I did
everything for her right changed her
diapers I because Holly had to be with
the two boys you know and they it was
really hard because Omar was only a year
old when she was born so it was really
he was so busy you know wanting to check
everything out you know that he was
smashing his fingers into like the
drawers of the medical stuff and so we
just we pretty much tried to keep them
at home plus Ali's mom so thankful for
her she was here from Egypt when Esther
was born so she was at home also with
the boys so it was really nice you know
and I just got to really bond with us
row
because it was just a lot of one-on-one
time with her and that was so very
important for me especially because you
know she is my little girl and I mean of
course I bonded with both of my boys -
don't get me wrong but with my little
girl it you know I was a very my anxiety
was very very high due to like all the
abuse and stuff that I endured as a
child myself and being a girl that I was
very on top of everything going on
around her and who was caring for her
and things like that so it gave me a
good amount of time to just strictly
bond with her and really build that real
real close relationship with her and and
I believe to this day that's why me and
her so close I mean she sleeps with me
every night you know if she gets her
feelings hurt she won't go to anybody
but me and she's mommy's girl totally
mama's girl and Omar is completely
daddy's boy and I think a lot of that
has to do with the fact that Holly was
the one that tended to Omar a lot when
he was born
because
at first I couldn't be with him because
of course I was you know recovering from
the c-section so I couldn't be down
there with him for the first 48 hours
and then or no the 24 hours I got to go
down but I wasn't able to stay for very
long glad to go back up and pump and so
I didn't get to bond with him as much
and Omar because he was a preemie he was
in and out of the hospital quite a bit
and because I was still recovering you
know from a c-section the hospital you
know didn't have the ability to have me
there with you know cuz I dealt with a
lot of swelling after I had Omar and
sitting with my feet down because of him
being in the hospital wouldn't have been
a very safe thing so a leave would stay
at the hospital and I would stay at home
with Maya and during the daytime that
Holly would come pick me up because of
course you can't drive for the first
it's like six weeks after you have a
c-section so he would come pick me up
and take me to go and be with Omar so I
could be with him and hold him and you
know things like that but it's just it's
weird how you know and then of course
Maya's mama's boy all around I mean he's
just a pure mama's boy there ain't no
getting around that one so anyways it's
just funny how kids tend to bond - you
know one of the parents more than the
other doesn't mean they don't love the
parent or doesn't mean the parent
doesn't love the child but there is a
stronger bond sometimes between a child
and one of the parents and with us it's
Omar's strong bond is with his daddy
and then Ezra's is with me
and then Maya is of course with me so
and that's just because all he wasn't
there when Omar were sorry when Maya was
a baby baby so yeah that's a little
background about that anyways so I am
heading home and then I've got to get to
work so I've got lots and lots and lots
to do but I will continue to be checking
in with you guys and like I said when
you guys watch this I will be recovering
from getting the IUD put in so keeping
in your eyes and thoughts and prayers
please while this is going on my anxiety
is through the roof today and I'm sure
it's gonna be even worse tomorrow but
it's okay I'm okay but anyways you guys
take care have a blessed wonderful day
and have an amazing amazing start
tomorrow I will try and catch a couple
of snippets for tomorrow and then from
there I will get this put up so that you
guys have
something to see on Monday so anyways I
will see you guys later
good evening you guys and welcome
tonight is Sunday night and you all I
just got done preparing everything that
I need to prepare before tomorrow
I am so gosh darn nervous like I don't
know why I'm so nervous I've had worse
procedures and I've had worse surgeries
and oh my gosh I went in like a champ
this time I'm going in with my tail
tucked between my legs like I'm gonna
come out like something like freak or so
I don't know I don't know what I'm
thinking I don't know what I'm doing but
please be thinking about me tomorrow
well when you guys are watching this I
pretty much will be in the procedure
because I am pre recording while I'm
recording it tonight and I'm gonna
upload it tonight and schedule it to go
out tomorrow so when you're seeing this
I will probably be in my in the middle
of my procedure because my procedure
starts at 10:45 and I'm gonna upload
this at 11 so I don't know why this is
nuts this is so nuts but I think once I
get done with this procedure I think the
the worst of my fears the worst of
everything going on around me I think
we'll kind of subside me of that I'm not
gonna feel like you know because lately
I feel like I've been like emotionally
eating and emotionally just letting
myself kind of just sit in la-la-land if
that makes any sense because I've just
got so many thoughts running through my
mind that I can't focus on so much and
so I think once I get over this hurdle
of this procedure and I I know that
everything's fine because I know it will
be it's just for some reason I don't
know - because I've anticipated this
things for since last month so I had
time to work my nervousness up till
tomorrow so I think that that's one of
the reasons why I am carrying so much in
nerves with all
of what's going on so I just think that
once I get this all over with and out of
my hair then I can just start focusing
on my next step which is of course I
mean I haven't fallen off the bandwagon
but I really haven't put my
hundred-percent
into what my steps are that I know that
I need to take and so definitely I know
that it's something that it will allow
me once this tomorrow happens in passes
I know tomorrow I will be feeling so
much better physically and mentally
because I'll be able to really focus on
everything that needs to happen so and I
appreciate everybody's messages excuse
me okay that was embarrassing
I pushed the bottle in the water comes
flying out I I needed a second shower
tonight
um anyways I have really been trying to
drink lots of water I've been pushing to
drink at least six of these a day and I
just fill them up with our water machine
and they're 23 ounces so I'm drinking
quite a bit which I need it so anyways
really quick okay so yesterday I had
talked when I was vlogging on my way to
Michaels I had asked you guys what you
thought if I was to start a second
channel and things like that and I mean
it's been something that I have been
thinking about for quite a while of how
to balance my YouTube channel with my
journey and my sharing of my life but
also balancing in there somewhere in
between like doing my business and my
crafts and showing my techniques because
I've had a lot of people ask me and I
just didn't know where my balance was
because I know that there are some
people on my channel that are strictly
for just wanting to hear my daily life
and not just sit and watch a tutorial of
me doing crafts so I get it I fully
understand that I mean I follow
different channels for those reasons you
I've got some channels that I followed
just for you know crafty and I follow
other channels for their daily vlogging
and family sharing and stuff like that
and then I follow other channels that
are for shopping hauls and you know so
you have your me at least for me I have
all my little chapters that I go around
every night or you know when they upload
and so I've been thinking like how can I
do this because I have a lot of people
that do come to me and ask you know hey
you know would you mind you in a
tutorial to show me how you do your
vinylene or do you know how you do your
cups or whatever it is and I'm like yeah
yeah yeah I will and then I think about
it and I'm like well how am I supposed
to do this because I've had people ask
me how do you do your now so I did
tutorial and then it was like Amy we
want to hear more of your story well I
have a hard time talking while I'm
focusing on doing the one thing that I'm
doing because I get so involved in my
conversation that a lot of times it's
hard for me to be doing two things at
once and really putting my thoughts into
one thing so anyways after I've really
thought about it I came to Olly last
night and I was like okay what if I was
to start up a second channel you know I
wanted to get his feelings on it I
wanted to hear his two cents on it and
he is 100% supportive of it and he said
you know that probably would make a lot
of sense
so I'm not going to launch my channel
just yet I will keep you guys updated I
you know like I did with this channel it
wasn't just a decision I made you know
in the afternoon one day and said okay
I'm gonna upload and I just started you
know with the name and all that I I
really put a lot of thought into how I
want this channel to be and that's why
it's so important to me and I take it so
serious when I start veering off on
something or I stumble across you know
upon its you know negativity or drama or
something because I I've protected this
channel even before I even started
because I knew was something that I'm so
just
so passionate about that I want to
protect it and that's how I want to be
with my other channel however with my
other channel I won't be sharing like
any role like I won't be sharing any oh
what do you want to say like
conversation about like my weight loss
or my healing of my trauma and stuff
like that that will be strictly for this
channel the other channel will be
strictly for all of my DIYs my crafting
my tutorials on how to do things and
things like that and then I will also do
lives on there for days I'm back I don't
know what happened but my camera died on
me so anyways what I was saying was you
know it's not like it's gonna be
something that I'm just gonna start
uploading videos on and just being done
with like it's just not gonna I don't
want it to be like that I want to really
put a lot of thought into it and I'll do
lives and stuff on there for like when
you know people have like questions and
stuff but it will strictly be just for
my crafts my tutorials and things like
that
I won't intermix either one of the
channels because I do respect all of you
guys and I respect how some you guys are
really into my arts and crafts and
you're into my daily vlogging so here
you'll have both chances to catch both
but then there's some that are just
really not into the whole daily vlogging
and that's okay that's totally okay I
mean sorry the crafting but you're
totally into the daily vlogging and
that's totally okay we all have our
things that we like and dislike and I I
respect you guys and that's why I think
it would be cool to start up a second
channel and be able to do that but like
I said I'm not just gonna jump into it
and not have my stuff together that I
need to do so yeah I really really
really really are I'm just pushing forth
and I'm so excited
I think this is an awesome opportunity
for me to show you guys like things that
I've been up to and stuff however I am
going to show you something really quick
I know I'm not getting all into detail
but I do want to show you a new thing
that I just conquered and I'll
definitely be showing more of this on my
channel when I bounce it up but for now
I just want to show you guys a few
things I mastered coasters and they
don't have to be coasters that you use
for like your cups you could technically
use them like and hang them on your
walls and stuff like that they're so fun
but anyways I've been playing with them
and so I made coasters they're just so
fun look at that I I have just been
loving these uh-huh and you could do so
many things you can make wedding ones
baby ones just regular ones I mean
they're it's endless
they're just endless on what you can do
this is one of my ultimate favorites
oops I love it it's not pretty I'm just
oh this is a fun but like I said you
could get them and I mean you could get
them put them on the wall yeah I mean
you can get letters you know and make
them to where you can hang them on the
wall with each letter of like your name
or something like that I mean I don't
know it's just there's so much fun but
these will be fun things that I'll be
doing plus I'll be doing my tumblers
I'll be doing my shirts I'll be doing
everything so I am so excited to let you
guys know that I will be launching
another channel I will let you guys know
when that happens it won't be right this
minute because I need to get over this
hurdle with all this medical crap going
on and then definitely will be jumping
into that channel so and again I won't
be able to go live on that channel
anyways until you hit a thousand
subscribers because that's the new thing
with YouTube is that they do not allow
you to go live on your phone through
without a thousand subscribers so that's
all interesting um let's do our reading
because I definitely want
you guys to have a reading for today so
let's do our reading and then I'm gonna
close because I need to go and start
getting rested up for tomorrow so we are
on March 6th and it says your heart is a
sacred space protect it nurture it at
all cost
your heart is a sacred space protect it
nurture it at all cost pretty
straightforward I think I mean I think
with everything that we've as a channel
have been going through the last few
weeks I think that that just I mean that
reigns total relevant to us right now
because I think all of us have been
walking a little bit in a mode of
sadness and you know some of us are
really struggling with some straight-up
really hard depression so protecting
your heart is gonna be your number one
thing so you at least know that your
heart because your heart is your heart
is your that's your that's your space
and you don't want to let anybody
intervene that and destroy that because
that's your inner that's your inner
peace and so that is a great reading I'm
so glad that I read that before tomorrow
so anyways you guys I am going to close
thank you so so very much you guys all
of you for having such great patience
with me I really appreciate it it means
everything to me that you guys have just
been really being behind me and
supporting me and you know letting me
know that it's okay to be going through
what I'm going through and I know
there's rainbows on the other side and
it's just getting to that point but I
feel it I feel like I'm getting there
and every day seems to be so much better
and I think like I said tomorrow is
gonna be a big thing off my shoulders
that I won't be anticipating anymore
because it'll be a done deal so anyways
thank you guys so much
again I just want to say a special thank
you and welcome to all my subscribers I
have not missed any of your guys's
comments I have been reading them I will
try and heart them as I read them so you
guys know that I am reading that I am
reading them but I haven't been able to
respond back to all of your guys's
messages in fact I haven't responded
back to quite a few the last couple days
but again my mind's been kind of out in
cloud 9 I'm just trying to gather my
thoughts and not be so nervous so yeah
but I just wanted to say thank you so
much for subscribing to my channel I
hope that it's everything you guys have
been looking for if you guys need to
interact with me and you know Kong
contact me and impersonal like you know
space you can always email me my email
is down in the description below
it's Amy 1981 ramadan @ gmail.com what
else i think that's it
yeah i think that's it for now so yeah i
just wanna make sure I wasn't forgetting
something but I think that's it for now
so for don't forget don't forget don't
forget hahahahaha because I'm starting
to say forget don't forget if you're new
here and you haven't subscribed try and
subscribe to my channel and check it out
and see what it's all about
and hit that like button mm-hmm and
share my channel you guys I am seeing so
many fresh numbers coming through and
it's amazing so anyways love you all and
I will talk to you guys probably Tuesday
stay tuned I'll keep you guys updated
love you all bye bye
